an easy concept but one at times is hard to follow through.
i take these seemingly minuscule moves forward with a slower pace these days as i'm learning that in order to know which plot of ground my foot is to be placed next, i have to be ever so quiet and listen.
so i wait and listen.
i walked in silence along the streets of Pai during first few days of my week off from Agape Home. my friends and i ventured the treacherous curves of route 1095 for 3 days of perfect nothingness. Pai, the little bohemian town i mentioned previously where shops play damien rice and the french toast is good. we claimed the far upper corner of this 140 year old house turned coffee shop and feasted on good coffee and passion fruit cheesecake. i read anne of green gables and found myself longing for oceans shores and romance, two things i haven't given much thought in a long time. the weekend retreat was a much needed time of relaxation as i had been on and off stressed about going to Laos for my visa run that i was to do the day after we returned from Pai.
and so off to laos i went...
even before i left for thailand, there has been a cloud haunting me overhead about what i was to do with my visa and now that my first 3 months were up, it was time to see if all of my planning and research would pay off. the trip to vientiane, the capital of laos, was long and for the most part uninteresting as i spend a majority of my time reading, boggling over the price of food at the airport or slightly fearing for my life as i learned that laos drivers are even crazier than thais.
and though i was still unsure i would get the visa i needed as i turned in my application at the consulate, i decided long ago that what ever happened would be by the will of God and there was nothing i could do about it. leaving all of my visa worries to God did give a settling peace over my mind and heart though it did not brighten my spirits about having to go to laos. so with the visa application in, all i could do was wait till the next afternoon when i would pick up my passport. unfortunately the wait was not an enjoyable one as i did not find vientiane all too welcoming. while looking up things to do in the city, most websites i read were pretty plain when they said there isn't much to do in the capital of laos, and they were right. normally this wouldn't have bothered me so much except that i had already finished my book and i found myself feeling very lonely and awkward in this strange little city. i found myself longing to be back home, the home i had in chiang mai. this feeling however kind of surprised me as i had yet to realize how much thailand had begone to grow and become apart of me and i think this realization alone made the whole trip worth it.
need less to say, i was so overcome with relief when the next day came, bringing with it the visa i needed and another long journey home to chiang mai.
as some may know i was fortunate to get a motorbike right before the holidays. now a motorbike to must people sounds like a ridiculously extravagant expense. however in reality, motorbikes are the main mode of transportation in thailand and having one actually saves me money because the only other forms of travel i have access to are taxis. i live about 20 minuets outside the main city which means it's very expensive to get a taxi let alone being able to find one in the first place.
however...
last weekend, my motorbike was stolen.
stolen before i could even take a picture with it and impress everyone back home with videos of my motorbiking skills. obviously you should be just as disappointed as i am. it was a strange theft seeing as i had parked my bike on a busy and public side road that was crammed with many other parked bikes. anna's mom, esther [my adopted mother, ie i adopted her], took me to the police station to make a report but alas this is thailand and the police are not exactly known for their ability to do...anything.
this whole week has felt very strange as i think about what this all means, why did this happened to me and most of all, what is God trying to tell me through all of this. i haven't felt anger or even frustration and i don't think i will but for the first few days my heart held a sinking feeling as the realization of what going back to a life with out freedom of mobility will mean for me for the rest of my time in thailand.
one of the biggest struggles i have while being here is the feeling of isolation. i live so far from the main city and from my friends that it's difficult to have motivation to go anywhere because it can take so long and be expensive. i only had the bike for three weeks but it was a complete change in life that i'm finding is hard to let go of.
i've talked to a lot of people about the situation in hopes that maybe some one will explain to me what i'm suppose to learn from this but i know i can't get my answers from anyone but but God.
so i'm waiting and trying, trying so hard to be quite and listen.
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